Dustin-Leigh

When I was informed that the Hairpin had compiled a list of Miss America contestant names for our perusment (that is, perusal and amusement), I admit that I was skeptical. This would be like shooting babies in a barrel, taking candy from a fish: easy targets, surely, and commensurate laughs. But the compiler, as she had with her lists of Puritan names and Civil War General names, instead demonstrated  a ear for rhythm and rhyme above, say, misogyny or classism. There is, on the lists I admire, lovely alliteration (Denby Dung, Wildeana Withers, Arian Archer, Victor Vifquain, Freita Fuller, Patience Panski), almost spoonerisms (Wager Swayne), beautiful incongruities (Creature Cheeseman, Unfeigned Panckhurst, Gideon Johnson Pillow, Rosanna Bean, Sara Frankenstein, Chastity Hardman), pages ripped from Dickens and Pynchon (Manning Force,  Zealous Tower, Faithful Teate, Joan Teets, Josette Huntress, Tonya Virgin), and the simply glorious (Galusha Pennypacker, If-Christ-had-not-died-for-thee-thou-hadst-been-damned Barebone, Kill-sin Pimple)—as well as all manners of Leighs, from Cheryl-Leigh Buffum to Gayla Leigh Shoemake to Dustin-Leigh Konzelman, the poor dear.